Posted in books, parenting

Repost & a new review: On not becoming my dad + Lisa Gardner’s “Find Her”

As my daughter rolls into the ending part of her swim season, with a lot of championships and time cuts on the line, this seemed like a good time to re-post this writing from my heart. 

My dad was not the best of role models. He worked too much. He thought he’d gone to enough church before he had kids. He had little patience. He was a bit of a bully. And he thought his charm would get him through everything.

And he put way too much emphasis on our athletics. Especially swimming.

Now, I’m not a bully, and I really (usually) enjoy church. I work a bit too much, but I work from home, so I can put my stuff down easily and interact with my kids, and pick it back up with minimal (usually) effort. I do sometimes rely on my charm too much, and my smile, but I try to use that for good, not evil.

But I have trouble with the swimming thing. I know to tamp it down, and I don’t let it get the best of me very often, but it happened a bit last year, at this time.

Now, it hasn’t been a problem up to this point because my eldest daughter hasn’t been a great swimmer. She’s been okay, but couldn’t quite make time cuts for the bigger meets. And that was okay. Because she loves the sport, and works really hard at it.

Suddenly, though, this year she’s qualified in one event and is close in a bunch more. And I found myself bribing and promising and cajoling. And, a couple of days ago, when she didn’t swim like we all thought she would, I got a little mad and a lot disappointed. At her.

And I took a deep breath, looked at her disappointed 11 year-old face, and I got mad and disappointed at myself.

Not my daughter, but a good representation of her disappointment.
Not my daughter, but a good representation of her disappointment.

After she talked to her coach she came over to me, tears in her eyes. I hugged her and sat down with her. She told me she was afraid she let me down, and that I put too much pressure on her. Even though I tried not to let her see my hope and my disappointment, she found it.

I sighed and talked to her, a little bit like an adult. I told her those were my problems, not hers, and I would love her no matter what. She was my daughter, and she worked hard and loves the sport, and she should be having fun, not worrying about what I thought. Because, no matter what she did in life, I would love her.

And I said yes, I was disappointed. For her, not for me. I want the moon for her, I want all her wishes to come true, I want her to shine. But I want her to know that I will be there for her, no matter what. I will hug and love her, and try my hardest to cheer her up.

I will work my hardest to keep my inner demons quiet. All my swim parent friends know my issues, and know to tell me to cool it, or to slap me, or even look at me in ‘that way’ (I did get one of those, and I really appreciated itt brought me back to my senses) if I start to channel my dad.

I am not my dad, my daughter was not put on this earth to fulfill some leftover dreams of mine. I’m here to lift her up, to make her a better person, to help her find out who she is and what she wants from life. And that’s what swimming is supposed to do for her, also. I’ve got to stand back and let it, and her coaches, do their jobs. And this is YMCA age group swimming; not elite level, college scholarship, make it to the Olympics swimming. It’s supposed to be fun.

My job is to cheer for her, to celebrate when her dreams come true, and to pick up the pieces when she falls. And to love her with all my might.

Okay, onto Find Her by Lisa Gardner.


What’s the difference between a victim and a survivor?

The Premise

Flora Dane was a carefree girl, in Florida for spring break when she was abducted. 472 days later, she’s rescued.

But the girl who returns to her family isn’t the same girl. She looks the same, but she can’t let it go, and she can’t talk about her ordeal.

Instead, Flora vows never to be a victim again. After studying self-defense and survival skills, Flora begins learning all she can about other abducted girls, vowing to stop the abductors, and then taking particular notice of one case.

But when she stops one abduction, she shines the spotlight on herself. When she herself is abducted, she’s forced to face her demons, and to use her new found skills to get away.

At the other end, detective D.D. Warren is learning to survive her own hell–she’s on restricted duty and must learn to rely on her team, and others, in order to save Flora and to solve the mystery that ties a string of seemingly unrelated abductions together.

My Thoughts

This book was fascinating. I had no idea what was going on: unsure as to whether if Flora had gone crazy, whether her original kidnapper was really dead, whether one of the abducted girls was actually the abductor. I had a lot of theories, and a lot of questions.

It did the two things a mystery should do: it kept me guessing without losing my attention, it made me interested in the lives of the characters. I was invested in the story and its characters.

Find Her is a great read, if you’re in the mood for an engrossing mystery.

I give it 4.5 stars.

 

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Author:

I love to read; writing is my outlet. My blog is my way to combine the two, with a some life stories thrown in for good measure.

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